Tonight was a night unlike any other I’ve ever experienced!
This is an article for anyone who wants to develop their brain (ha). Please do not feel as if we intend to disrespect anyone. That is NEVER any of our intentions. If you feel as if we have done so please feel free to contact us or leave a comment for any feelings you may have so we can do our best to accommodate to your desires because if you feel this way, we are confident that others may feel the same, and again, we don’t want anyone here to feel upset about anything written in any of our articles.
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I had a great conversation with a buddy of mine, but this buddy of mine suddenly became very angry with another individual in our crew shortly after our convo because he felt as if people were ignoring him and he thought he heard something which was never said. This event should have NEVER occurred and caused everyone to leave for the night.
He became furious, but continuously claimed he wasn’t upset at all even though his actions looked like he was very mad and he wouldn’t let anyone speak even though he claimed that he had been open minded and politely waiting for an answer. He claimed that nothing done was his fault whatsoever and blamed everyone else. Perception is reality right? But how can we work together so we can all have the same perception? It’s a very tough circumstance as I’m sure you will agree.
Most people would have thought he was provoking fights because he was literally asking for people to fight him. People were treating him as if he were crazy, which I understand, but I want to try to stress the importance of how this situation could have been approached for this event to have occurred much more effectively.
Even during our conversation he stated a few times how he would beat me up if this and that, but I always try my best to remember that all people want to be treated as reasonable people, and I know he’s a cool guy, so out of respect for him, I just continued listening to him and making conversation instead of reacting, as most people tend to do. People want to be treated as reasonable people.
So, during our conversation he said things which would instantly make most people want to fight. Fighting isn’t cool guys. Even if I don’t have a problem with it, it isn’t cool because it can offend the other person and things can turn ugly, and I don’t even want to talk about that. It’s just unfortunate how everyone reacted to him which made everything worse.
I understood that he didn’t really want to harm me or anyone, and as our conversation continued, he inadvertently came to conclusions which led me to believe that he knew exactly how to behave if people reacted properly to him. He came to positive conclusions on his own and I believe that it was because he truly felt like I was trying to listen to him. But even with that being said, people do NOT deserve to be treated the way he treated me or the way he treated everybody else, because that is simply not positive nor fun. Let us strive to understand all this so we can truly be more at peace with one another.
Below I have typed down every text message I sent to one of the family members after this event broke because I don’t want anyone else to ineffectively handle this situation,,,,, and I say this because I KNOW that most of you would have and WILL handle a situation like this incorrectly. Sorry if I hurt your ego by saying that.
I have blocked out all names from the text messages. Excuse my informality.
In conclusion, before beginning the text convo, please note we are not Doctors and are not perfect, only striving to help wherever you feel we can do so. Please be more accepting of any mistakes you may encounter, and please contact us or comment below to let us know how we can better serve you. If you have an issue, I am sure others will also have the same issue, which we would like to know about so we can work on to avoid. With this article we strive to convey compassion and that is all. Please take what you appreciate, and please try to recognize what you should leave out. Please do not become a sheep following and listening to every direction given to you. Also, we may sound redundant at time, but it is because this is a situation where I can’t begin to stress the importance of many factors.
Thank you & We hope you enjoy:
ME: Hey
NOT ME: Hey
ME: Just wanted to let you know that ******* doesn’t feel any love or respect from anybody, and no one can ever react to him when he acts up. The best thing I believe which can be done is to keep quiet and not direct him to do things when he starts acting up. I truly believe the way people approach/react to him when he acts up causes this “disruption of peace.” I talked to him for a long time and he’s actually a pretty smart dude. The best thing for everyone (including his parents) to do is learn how to TRULY set their pride aside and apologize to him,,,, EVEN if it isn’t his parents faults. He’s smart and if everyone in the family does that I believe he will come to all the positive conclusions the family desires, on his own. I know I haven’t seen anything in the background that goes on but I can promise you that if people TRULY don’t react negatively to anything he says and they just TRULY listen to him that things will be better. I promise you he just feels disrespected,,, and I’m not blaming anyone in the family at all,,,, but things have to change if you want the best for him, and I promise that TRULY not reacting negatively to anything he says or the way he acts will be a great start and will help a lot. Even in our own conversation outside he came at me very aggressively many time (at least other may have considered it aggressive), but I truly understood that he didn’t mean harm so I didn’t budge and he came to conclude on his own which showed that he was much smarter than the family takes him for. He just needs more of that. Please make sure that everyone in the family TRULY understands this, and I CAN NOT emphasize the importance of TRULY not reacting to him because I guarantee you that everyone in the fam believes that they even “TRULY” understand the situation and how to handle it. If they did truly understand him they would have NEVER reacted the way they did and this would not have been an issue. He can never feel categorized as crazy, ever. And again, he can never be directed to do anything. His parents must ask how he feels about doing something, and if he says something bad, the parents must initially JUST say okay. And if they want to get their way, they need to relax and wait a minute or a few, and then ask if they may ask him another question. If he says no, they ask “please?” If he gets mad, they apologize, even though it may not be their fault. I am confident that this is more of a test.
******* is a super smart dude. That’s all that everyone needs to understand. He can come to conclusions on his own. It won’t happen instantly but after a situation like this happens, and then when everyone initially kindly apologizes even if the family is not at wrong, and lets him be, I am also confident it wil be a great start for the entire fam.
Do you smell what the rock is cookin ******?
NOT ME: Haha yess man! Chill I feel you
ME: Do you think you can get everyone to understand this?
NOT ME: Yeah I read it to everyone, and we all see where you’re coming from.
ME: Okay, cool. It’s always easy to be calm and good with him when things are good. It’s when times get tough that all of this information really matters. That’s when the change can truly take effect if handled with care.
NOT ME: Okay Dr. Phil! You got it 
Yeah true. I gottcha I get what you mean. My mom says she likes the way you think. It’s just a tough situation, and she says it’s very nice of you to care.
ME: Yeah it’s a very tough situation indeed, but when things get tough is when his parents and the ENTIRE family MUST set their ENTIRE egos aside NO MATTER WHAT, and just REALLY try their best to not react to ANYTHING he says negatively. He’s a smart guy. He most likely WILL say many things that no one wants to hear but EVERYONE must expect though, and I am confident they need to be prepared to apologize to him just to set things at ease, then wait a few minutes to ask him if it’s okay to ask him a question or two.
What I’m about to say may seem somewhat harsh, but this is like business. Almost exactly like business. People don’t often like being approached instantly for business. They want game to be spit at them. Even in relationships… You gotta have game right? This situation is very similar, just much more sensitive of a situation, so things must move even slower. They can’t just expect the business instantly, nor can they instantly ask for it. They need to warm him up, and they can’t expect it to be solved in one session……….. This is similar to a very big sale. Big sales often take time to close. There are often more than one or two or more meetings with long intervals of time in between meetings. You must slowly start big and sensitive transactions by building trust and the way you build trust is by letting the other person know that you are both at the same level. NO MATTER WHAT!
This is very sensitive so you even have to ask if it’s okay to ask questions. If he starts getting loud, you all need to apologize for not having good enough communication skills to speak to him the way he wants to be spoken to. It’s harder than it sounds. It will not be easy by any means whatsoever. Just make sure everybody understands this because I promise you it will be harder than it seems, especially if the family members are truly too weak to TRULY set their egos aside (and I can’t emphasize how many people believe they are good at this when they TRULY are not, because they forget.. you’ll see what I mean, I hope:) The hardest part will be knowing how to ask questions and which questions to ask. ******* is a smart dude and he taught me a lot today. When speaking with him I highly recommend you all disregard the things that sounds unreasonable because I am confident that he is only having difficulty expressing himself for who knows what reason. Everyone’s reactions teach him how the family thinks, and he will behave just like he is treated. Even the retarded cousin isn’t as dumb as you may think her to be. My mom made a deep connection with her today because my mom lowered her ego and slowly, quietly, and kindly asked her questions. She eventually acknowledged my mom, laughed at what she was saying, and acknowledged her as we left the house.
People want to feel like they are reasonable people. We are all students of life and even all the grown ups need to understand (AND REMEMBER!) that. The more they understand and REMEMBER that, the easier the process will be. If you and I don’t emphasize to the family the importance of REMEMBERING EVERYYYYTTHHINNGGGGGG I am saying, then everything I have written is completely useless and nothing will change. As a matter of fact, I DO NOT expect his parents or the family to remember or take much consideration to this one day after they read it, and I say that because of other situations I have experienced in the past. His parents and the family will probably dismiss and/or forget everything I have said because this may be very new information which MAY attack their ego.
I am saying this from personal life experiences from dealing with many people. Expect ******* to initially consider himself as always right and to blame everyone else.
His family can NOT laugh about this matter and they must treat him like an equal member of the family, because no one in your family is any better than him, and he is no better than any of you. Even ****, I saw her disrespecting him one time, and I got really mad about it.
Everyone needs to feel like they are being put in check…. It is called being humble and our society has done a very bad job of teaching it to us (being humble is not always good and not always bad, in this situation, it’s probably a better idea to be humble). Luckily I’m a boss and am here for all of you :p
Btw, make sure no one reads the last part about feeling put in check. I need you to just make sure it happens. If they think I said that to them it will make everything very uncomfortable if I’m around them all again………. And remember this: If you put someone’s ego at risk, they will not want to listen.
Try to read everything over multiple times so you can TRULY internalize everything so you can effectively teach it to your family. The family needs someone to take charge. They better you understand it the better you can teach it.
Make sure everyone knows what to expect so they know how to react, and make sure they are reminded of its importance when the times get tough.
There is a concern that comes to my mind though about all this, since of course, I’m not a Doctor, and haven’t seen the ramifications of what can occur if these “procedures” are followed. I don’t know if treating him with all this respect will cause his ego to become so large that he feels too powerful and behaves even worse. I honestly don’t know. What I would say, if anything, is just to keep this stuff in mind the next time you feel it’s best to stay positive.
- CompassOfMind.com
